Dating & Relationships in the 21st Century

So What’s Your Number?

2012-02-18T07:26:00.000-08:00

What’s your number? = How many people did you sleep with?

At least it is so according to the 2011 romantic comedy What’s Your Number starring Anna Faris and Chris Evans. It tells the story of Ally (Anna Faris) who panics about her number being 20, and decides to stay on that number by trying her chances with all of her exes, to see if they blossomed into husband material.

Chris Evans and Anna Faris

Yeah, the idea has many problems: that she doesn’t consider that the relationships were over for a reason and that her number is strictly her business. Not her sister’s, not her dates’ and not her friends’. Of course it takes a while for her to notice this.

As she tracks her exes one by one with Colin (played by Chris Evans)-her sexy but slutty next-door neighbor Colin, he tries to make her see these valid points.

Of course we can’t blame Ally for not taking him seriously. As funny as he is, their whole agreement is based on Ally hiding him from the girls he had one night stands with. And since Colin does comment on bedding Ally once in every couple of scenes, Ally (unsurprisingly) never considers that the best relationship she will ever have might be with the one guy who hasn’t had a relationship in his life.

What’s Your Number CONS : Bad Relationship Ideas

Yes, you can attack the movie from several points:

Why doesn’t this 30 something woman know what she wants?
Why doesn’t this 30 something, supposedly smart woman (Anna Faris) stop living her life in the boundaries set by girlie magazines and her friends?
How was she stupid and desperate enough to have slept (and tried to get back) with all those losers? I have nothing against her number, it is just that if you add the most of those guys together, you still don’t get a one decent, likeable guy?
How does a 30-year-old gorgeous guy (Chris Evans) not exposed to at least one relationship during his entire life?
Are we really expected to go with the same old story that a man will only fall for you after you weren’t romantically & sexually interested in him? Let’s face it, Ally turned him down like 5 times before they made out.
And why does every woman in every single movie want to get married and make babi

But then again, we can also embrace the movie for several reasons:

What’s Your Number - PROS = Good Things about The Movie (Relationship)

Before Colin and Abby fall in love, they are friends and the naturalness of their relationship, the no-BS, zero-pretending part makes it a situation to be desired.
Colin represents the modern male who doesn’t care what others think or want- that what matters is what you want to do with your own life. And he doesn’t stop sleeping around because somebody thought it was wrong. He stops because he wants to be with Ally.
He also finds it laughable that Ally should care about her number.
The girl does find love with somebody new, decent and gorgeous. In the end, she doesn't settle. Not one bit.

My Number Is…

Absolutely no one’s business: )

And it is an extreme deal-breaker if a guy thinks he can do whatever he wants and the girl should sit at home and keep her number in single digits. It is also a deal breaker if one of the sides try to add numbers to the equation while in a supposedly committed relationship.

I just believe that you owe it to your partner to stay at the number and not sleep with anybody else while you are together. That’s is all I’m concerned with when it comes to numbers.

Oh, unless of course you are the open-relationship type. That’s an entirely different story…

What’s Your Take?

You can talk about the movie, or your take on numbers or both.

Do you care how many people you slept with?

Do you care how many people your partner slept with?

Is it better not to know?

Friends with Benefits: Would You Do It? Could You Do It?

2012-01-03T04:51:00.000-08:00

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake in a Friends with Benefits scene. This is around the time Justin's character comes up with the idea. Image via 2.bp.blogspot.com

2011 romcom Friends with Benefits was recently in theaters and the “genius” idea” isn’t going anywhere. Hell, it is the 21st century, girls are getting more cynical and less romantic (or at least pretending to). Mila Kunis’ character Jamie in the movie says that she misses sex, but I’m pretty sure she missed (just like most women would) the making out/foreplay bits as well.

And even though it would be very easy to pick up a stranger from a bar, we hardly risk it. Never mind the possibility of him/her being a serial killer. Never mind the awkwardness of not knowing whether they don’t have STDs, or they will be health-conscious enough to take all the precautions. Never mind that you barely established a connection with this person....Wait...I just used too many never minds in a row. Obviously, I do mind.

Yes, I love flirting with the handsome stranger. It is even better if he is from another country (Call it the Before Sunrise fantasy, if you like). But while I don’t mind making out with strangers, going the whole way is a whole different issue. It is far too personal. And call me crazy, but I’d love to be with someone who wouldn’t make me feel awkward the next morning. Someone who would pay attention to how things were going before, during and after...

So where is that person? Jamie (again, back to the movie) attempts a relationship with a guy who’s not her best friend (the best friend is a newly acquainted but greatly liked Dylan), but he totally turns out to be a jerk .

So of course in theory, what can be better to get intimate with a friend who you are having a lot of fun with? Who cares about you? Who you find attractive? It wouldn’t hurt. Or would it....?

Now, I don’t really believe in dating friends. I haven’t been sold on the story of realizing that person is the one after 6 years of being next to each other. I’m told it happens, but until I see it, it doesn’t seem likely to me. So I wouldn’t really want a romantic comedy on two friends who have been best friends for ages suddenly going the Friends with Benefits route.

Movie writers must know this, because the two FWB stories they threw our way this year (the other one being No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) were about friends who just met but really loved hanging out together (FWB) or they knew each other from college, but nothing really ever happened due to circumstances. They were never buddies. They were two people attracted to each other, but went the FWB route due to previous relationship failures.

But of course, knowing Hollywood, you know that this arrangement will turn out to be utter crap. One or both sides will want more at some point. The side who doesn’t want it will only turn out to be not facing his/her own feelings. They will in fact end up happily in love, and the sex will be great because during their FWB stage, they already gave each other all the necessary tips...And for those asking why there never make a movie about what happens after that happily ever kiss, Justin Timberlake’s Dylan answers “They do. It’s called porn”.

OK. Seriously, they do make movies about what happens afterwards. It is just not that romantic. You might want to check out The Break-Up or The Story of Us for that.

Friends with Benefits in Real Life

Do people try this? Yeah. Would complications arise? Definitely. Would it be followed by happy after? I don’t think so. Having a booty call you can trust is all very good, but what about the awkwardness you are risking? The fun and the friendship?

That being said, I’d be lying to say I never thought about it. I did. I just never brought the idea to the guy because I thought the disadvantages would far outweigh the benefits. And the fun would decrease. And honestly, I’d rather just meet somebody new and give dating a shot. As Mila Kunis says

“No strings sex is great in theory but falls short in execution. You can't sustain a friends with benefits relationship for a long time. It's inevitable it will either go one way or the other. I have plenty of males who are my friends... Without the benefits. If you're friends with someone, let's just leave it at that. There needs to be nothing more.” quote via imdb.com

So what do you think about the whole FWB idea? A genius idea that came from people who wanted the best of both worlds- people who could be emotionally detached enough to screw the risks? Or should people, regardless of their romantic views, give it a shot if the opportunity arises? And one more question: If you are thinking about sleeping with your friend, were you really friends in the first place?

20s and Checking for Rings: Dating Has Become Even More Complicated!

2011-11-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

Image via lovesites.com.

There was this cute guy in my friends’ circle. Totally my type. Turned out to be married.

Then I met two other cute guys through work circles. Both married.

Saw a cute guy on the bus. As close as you can get to Keanu Reeves in real life. Then I saw it. The Ring!

....

What the ….? When did everyone get married? And I am only 26. Surely the majority of the guys I meet shouldn’t be married???

Dating used to be easier when we were younger. I am not saying it was easy, just easier. All we needed to know was whether the guy we liked a) had a girlfriend b) if not, were we his type?

In our 20s (especially when we are getting closer to 30), we still need the answer to a. But unfortunately, unlike high school where we almost always knew if he was attached, in adult lives it is harder to detect.

Not every guy advertises his relationship status on Facebook. Not every guy uses Facebook. Not every guy mentions his girlfriend when you first meet him. Not every guy wearies a wedding band.

Oh yes, now we have to check for the ring. If he is not wearing any, it doesn’t mean he is not married. Not all married guys start their sentences with “My wife and I….” So before we can even think that guy is our type, we have to check the finger first. If the ring is there, we move on . (The nice and romantic females do, anyway. Some women do dig married men. Though I’ll never know why…).

If the ring isn’t on, and we have friends in common, it takes a little bit of research. I say research, because you can’t go and blatantly ask anyone if he is attached, as it makes it a bit too obvious that you are interested. No need to make things awkward in your social circle. So you use your resources, Google a bit, dig into the social media world. And of course there are still men out there who haven’t mentioned their wives not because it hasn’t come up, but because they are genuinely trying to hide it. So you are just going to have to be a good judge of character and behavior, and if you do notice iffy things, you will need to kick his ass.

Oh boy…not only we need to do research, and pay attention to detail, we might even have to pull a little Patrick Jane on our dates. Remember the cool guy from The Mentalist TV series who can tell all crucial details about a person’s life and personality within a short time of meeting them.

When did dating become even harder? And why do men keep getting married in their mid-20s? What’s up with the baby fever? What happened to enjoying single life, dating and meeting lots of other singles? Dating becomes very challenging if all attractive guys you meet are already taken. Oh well…. Good luck to all of us who want some genuine romance and fun along the way. May we meet some truly single guys that are fun, honest and nice….

How do you take your relationship: Open or Closed?

2011-07-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

* Yes, I know that there isn't technically a term called "closed relationship". But else (short) thing can we call a good, old, regular relatioship?

I once heard in an interview that Gene Simmons (lead singer of rock band KISS) was in an open marriage with his wife. Well, I am sure that was a necessity. No, I am not being sarcastic. With all the groupies and the fans, it is only fair that he was honest about stuff and that she had as chance to be with other people as well. It doesn’t sound very romantic but hey, it certainly beats the situation of finding out you have been lied to for a decade or something.

Where did this suddenly come up? I was watching House’s 18th episode in season 6 and it turned out the female patient was having an open marriage. I was like Whoa! I mean, the concept of an open relationship is tricky enough. But having an open marriage? And for an ordinary, non-celebrity couple? But hey, these things happen in real life too so I thought I would come here and discuss the subject with you.

I am all for romance and monogamy and loyalty. And I can’t stand cheating or being cheated on in any relationship. In fact, I am as harsh about it as it gets. It doesn’t matter whether you have been together for ages or that you have kids. If a partner cheats, he/she has to go. So yes, I believe all cheaters need to get a kick in the ass. The alternative to cheating? Talk to the person you are with! Tell them you have feelings for someone else. It might be harsh and upsetting but it sure beats getting stabbed in the back.

What if that person doesn’t want you to leave? What if he/she wants you to stay even though you might stray? That’s their choice. If both parties are open and honest about it and monogamy is something they can overlook, hey, it is their choice. But at least the partner got a say in the matter.

So if you asked me who I would respect more- a person in an open relationship or a person who cheats, I’d say open relationship. I don’t have to approve it but I appreciate the honesty. Would I wanna be in one? I don’t think so. But would I rather be with a guy who confronted me about his issues about monogamy than a hypocrite? Yeah, absolutely.

What do you think? Would you like to be in an open relationship?

Why Is Everyone (Getting) Married?

2011-07-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

Image via 1.bp.blogspot.com

I am not against mariage, let's start with that. It is a lovely concept; if you have found someone you are sure you would like to spend your lifetime with- someone who you are madly in love with and the person feels the same about you. Someone you can joke around with, be yourself with and someone you love because they are who they are; not despite who they are.

But I find it really hard to believe that so many people found that person in their early/mid 20s. And that the majority of the married couples in late 20s/early 30s are considering making babies. Whoa! Will everyone slow down for a minute? When did all this happen? I am in my mid 20s and definitely not opposed to romance and passion and some casual flirtation thrown in for good measure... But marriage??? Children??? In-laws??? Calling your partner's parents "Mom" and "Dad"??

I am in the process of finding out a plan to make my dreams come true, to gain true financial independence and to just go crazy and all that. I am not saying I don't want to find someone. But right now, I don't want to go into that forever business. Even if this amazing person comes along and happens to be as nuts as I am and have similar dreams and such, we wouldn't get married. Not now!!! I mean come on!!!!

And it is alright if he doesn't appear in these chapters in my life. Oh of course I complain about being single. But what I am really whining about is that I don't have enough fun with the opposite sex. I don't have numbers to call when I want to party all night and dance until dawn. I don't get to meet hot strangers a lot. There lies my concern.

I think that being in a serious relationship is a big deal! Moving in right away is totally unnecessary and very scary. So how come are people so eager to jump into marriage?

It starts about during the last year(s) of university. Friends/friends of friends start to get married. But the number isn't that large. Then you graduate and invitations start piling up. People barely out of college talk weddings and budgets and all that. You take a job and your boss who is not even 10 years older than you, is married and is considering having a baby. Oh and by boss, I mean a guy who co-runs a music site and deals with studios and bars and all that. I meet long- haired, metal-loving guys who look like they came straight out of a 90s Metallica concert and see rings on their fingers.

When did everyone get married? Ok, so maybe- it is not that big of a stretch for 35 year-olds being married but people in their 20s? What's up with that? The wedding dresses, furniture hunting? Surely not all of these people found their soulmate?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am sure there are a lot of actual feelings and "eternal bliss" involved. But I also believe that the overworking biological clocks and the seeming convenience of marriage have increased the numbers.

People should acknowledge the fact that not everyone has to be married and/or have a baby. It sucks if people are doing it because they think it is time or because they get to have regular sex. It sucks if they are doing it because they parents would rather have them tie the knot than have them live together...

I am a romantic of the worst kind. But I also am addicted to excitement and adventure and discovery. I am thinking there will be guys in my life who get me. Until that happens, I will enjoy the ride of singledom. And I sure as hell won't get married because it is just so "in", or rent is cheaper or all my friends are doing it!!!

Arrogance in the Opposite Sex: Turn on or Turn off?

2011-02-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

Image via jasonlove.com

When I was 18, I had a huge crush on a friend’s classmate. It wasn’t that he was earth-shatteringly good-looking. He was just exactly my type. In addition to being tall and cute, he also had this charming, down-to-earth attitude about him that I really liked. He wasn’t full of himself.

Nearly a decade later, a lot of things have changed in my life but my taste in men still remains the same. Now, I don’t have anything against drop-dead-gorgeous guys. In fact, I welcome them. My problem is with guys – gorgeous or not- who are too in love with how they look. You know the type: the one that makes you want to sing Too Sexy from Right Said Fred.

Remember how that song went? Too sexy for my shirt/too sexy for this party/….

In case you don’t know or remember this hilarious song from the 90s, check out the video.

So I don’t know about you, but arrogance is a major turn-off for me. Mind you, I am not saying confidence. Confidence rocks…unless it makes me want to sing from Right Said Fred…

For instance, my favorite romantic comedy movie character ever is Jack (played by Bill Pullman) in While You Were Sleeping. Jack is nice, honest, fun and good-looking in a classic sort of way. I have always found Bill Pullman cute, charming and handsome but my favorite Pullman character is Jack- both with his looks and character. You see, Jack has flaws; but they only make him more likable. And he is not in lust with himself.

So among all the romantic films I’ve seen, that’s why Pullman’s Jack does it for me. He is just adorable.

If I need to give more fictional examples, I prefer Stefan over Damon (The Vampire Diaries), Matt over Tyler (still Vampire Diaries) and Sam over Dean (Supernatural. Remember the first 2 seasons when Sam was sort of shy?)..I guess you got my point.

But what about you? Does arrogance turn you on? Off? Or you don’t really care?

Who are your favorite arrogant/humble fictional characters?

If Opposites Really Attract, Are You Golden or Just Screwed?

2011-02-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

You know how the saying goes: opposites attract. Frankly, I'm allergic to it because I haven't been once been attracted to a guy whose personality is a complete opposite of mine. But many men I am attracted to aren’t attracted to me, but to girls with pretty much they have nothing in common. So if this saying has a point, I am totally screwed.

I’m talkative, energetic, full of-life, a romantic and a dreamer. I am also really passionate and fun-loving. I value honesty and loyalty. So how can I possibly be attracted to a guy who is really quiet, shy and introverted? Or anti-social? Or to a guy who is a total jerk? Or to a square guy who lacks imagination and passion?

Something New poster via celebritywonder.com

This article was originally inspired by the movie Something New starring Simon Baker. In the movie, Simon Baker’s character Brian pretty much represents everything I want in a guy. Yes, I think Simon always looks great with his wavy blonde hair. And I would pretty much give up heels (I am 5’9”, Simon is 5’10”) for a guy like that. And I talked about how we can be attracted to different looking guys so let’s get to the real issue: personality and how he treats the girl.,

Brian is a landscape architect. He used to be a copywriter at an advertising agency but he hated it. So he is educated but his dreams are more important than fat paychecks. He is smart and independent enough to run his own business. He’s also impulsive, fun-loving, cute, easy-going and social. Add romantic and loyal to the bunch. Yes, Brian is awesome.

Cut to his love-interest Kenya- who is meticulous, well-planned, who is a workaholic, a little conservative, a little biased, a little racist (she is black, Brian is white). She has a very hard time letting go and she is not always easy to be around. Now, if you want to know what the movie is all about, how they meet and how they hook up and everything, you can read the review here: Something New starring Simon Baker.

But the issue on this post is not romantic comedies, Simon Baker or racism. It is if we are attracted to people who are similar to us or different than us. And I am pretty much like a female Brian. The only difference is that I am a writer. Oh, and I want a romantic, easy-going guy who is not prejudiced about stuff.

Mind you, there will always be differences and things in common. And I am aware of that. What we are talking about is core characteristics and outlook on life.

So if guys’ minds work like Brian’s in real world, I really am screwed. How about you? Tell me your stories about being attracted to guys- how they were similar to or different from you!

Why This Gal Would Make a Great Dad

2011-01-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

The title came to me, mostly because of the old-fashioned breed of dads who believe that they are supposed to bring home the bacon, while the mother should be doing the housework and taking care of the child(ren). Even if the women are working, these men expect that she should be the one dealing with the chores and all the work that comes with having a kid. Some men help out a little but they are much more interested in playing with the baby and setting some rules rather than deal with the negative, and more tiring (and not to mention tedious!) stuff.

Yeah, there are some dads who share full responsibility, and there are even men who prefer to be stay-at-home dads while women pursue their careers. But these are the exceptions.

My mom left work when I was 2, missing me too much to leave me to my grandmother’s care during the week. Frankly, there are times when she wishes she never left. And growing up, I was half-grateful, half-resentful that she had left her career. Some aspects of being at home full-time made her miserable and while she’s been a good friend and a good mom, our relationship wasn’t always easy.

A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend who shares many of my views when it comes to romance and having kids. Although she is not dying to have a baby, she worries that she might regret it later when she is old – which reminds me that I forgot to add this to the wrong reasons to have a kid list.

There is no guarantee your kid will turn out all nice and sweet and he won’t check you in to a retirement home the first chance he gets. Even if your kid didn’t check you into a retirement home, there is no guarantee she won’t move to another continent or that she will outlive you.

OK- these grim thoughts aside, it is an incredibly selfish notion, if you're having a baby just so you won’t be alone later in the future. You should have babies only if you are ready to take on all the risks, as well as the emotional and financial responsibilities that come with the territory. And remember, the ability to love unconditionally is a must.

Knowing all this, my friend is still torn between having a kid in 5-10 years and having no kids at all. We’ll see what the future brings but she thinks that she would also make a great dad.
The feminist in her (and by feminism, I mean believing both sexes are equal) thinks that women should have the option to deal with their careers while men take care of the baby. But while the thought is appealing to a certain degre, the reality is much more complicated. Why should any individual – man or woman- give up on his/her dreams and ideals? Or make ultimate sacrifices?

The best thing to do is to know yourself and see if you have what it takes. Frankly, I don’t. I am too selfish, idealistic and passionate to take the passenger seat to my own life. So while I do have the potential to be a dad in the old-fashioned sense, I am not made to be a parent.

So, how about you? Do you have the guts, means and the personality fit for one job that you can never retire from?

11 Wrong Reasons to Have Kids

3 Must-See Relationship Movies: 500 Days of Summer, He Said She Said & He’s Just Not That Into You

2010-12-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

We can argue that all movies are about relationships on some level but some movies depend on the evolution of relationships alone and some romantic comedies are just really better than other - at being more real.

Here are 3 that you should give a shot to:

He’s Just Not That Into You - 2009

Starring Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connelly, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long and Drew Barrymore

Based on the best- selling book of the same name and featuring a stellar cast, this is a really good romantic comedy. I’ll warn you though- the movie features many stories and some of them (2, actually) have happy endings. If you want more truth, read the book. The book is as entertaining and as in-your-face as non-fiction can ever get. I have a detailed review of both the movie and the book here.

He said, she said - 1991

Starring Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth Perkins

He Said She Said movie poster from moviegoods.com

Journalists Dan (Kevin Bacon) and Lorie (Elizabeth Perkins) are journalists working at the same office and having opposite views. This colorful opposition lands them their own TV show called He Said, She Said. Of course eventually they get romantically involved and things get complicated. The story is told in three parts: he said, she said and what really happened.

In "he said", we listen to Kevin Bacon’s side of the story – where she comes off as a needy, bitchy, hard-to-get-along woman where he pretty much does nothing wrong.

In "she said", we listen to Elizabeth Perkins' side- where he comes off an immature, insensitive jerk who is impossible to have an adult relationship with.

The third and the most fun part of the movie is the "What Really Happened" section- we don’t get biased versions but what actually happened and it is neither like her version, nor his.

This is a wonderfully charming and honest movie about how we tend not to put ourselves in the other one’s shoes. It feels easier to place the blame to one side, but things are almost never that simple.

This is one romantic comedy when it is not about a happy or unhappy ending – but the communications problems we have.It may not have the best plot, but I love how the story is told.

500 Days of Summer – 2009

Starring Joseph Gordon – Levitt & Zooey Deschanel

This movie is bittersweet- it is funny and told in its own

unique way as well as managing to be sad and romantic- although the omance is one-sided.

It is how the movie differentiates itself - the boy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) falls in love, the girl (Zooey Deschanel) doesn’t. It is not for the moments when you want to get your happy ending and mutual love- at least in a film. But if you are cynical, this movie is perfect.

Detailed review and plot can be read here.

11 Wrong Reasons to Have Kids

2010-12-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

I have nothing against kids, as long as they cute and sweet. But 90% of the time I am inspired to write ads for condom brands - and I see children everywhere that would make the perfect commercial to scare anyone into wearing condoms (I double-majored in advertising and I am a writer so my mind does work in weird ways).

image via danscartoons.com

There is of course the rare occasion when I picture having a kid, but that fantasy also features Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the father so I don’t see that happening.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Inspired by my own mindset, as well as a couple friends’, I wrote an article about how to know when you are not ready to have kids. Consider this one a sequel article.

It seems like more and more people are having more babies than they can take care of so it is getting impossible to get a quiet (=no kids zone) time apart from a library. I can so relate to Samantha’s no-kids- allowed-restaurant fantasy. It is all very well if you are truly ready for kids- both emotionally and financially, fine. Be my guest. But many people seem to have babies for all the wrong reasons. Here’s the list:

· Because the parents won’t shut up.
· Because the in-laws won’t shut up.
· Just to please your spouse/lover.
· Because you think you are running out of time.
· Just because everybody else is having them.
· Because models made it look so cool.
· Because society wants you to.
· Because all your friends are having them.
· Because you are against abortion.
· Because you happened to get pregnant and decided to roll with it.
· Because you can.

If you could have a customized kid, though- I’d love to have the adorable 4-year-old in Jerry Maguire or the kid in The Blind Side. Other than them, thanks but no thanks.

So, where do you stand when it comes to having kids? Are you for or against? Why?

Does the Dating Universe Want Us to Be More Specific?

2010-12-17T06:19:00.000-08:00

Apparently, it does. Because crossing your fingers to meet a cute guy or hoping that the guy that you like will like you back no longer seems to be enough.

Here’s what I learned so far in my 26 years (of living):

- * It is not enough for the guy you like to like you back. He has to be single and he has to be a nice person, and a good boyfriend. I covered this in detail in 5 Parameters That Keep Us Single.

- * And apparently, when you are in your 20s, you have to be more specific than “I hope he doesn’t have a girlfriend”. Well, guess what- he might have a wife! So we need him to be 100% single. No wife, no girlfriend and hopefully, no friends with benefits.

- * So I like tall guys, standing at 5'9" myself. And one of the tall guys I ended up dating was...Well, let's just say that as it turned out, he wasn’t getting enough oxygen in his brain. I guess that can be a problem when you are about 6’ 5”. I wonder if this is the reason Jennifer Aniston-Vince Vaughn relationship didn't work?

- * So after a "tall" disappointment, I said: "OK, height doesn’t really matter that much."
I was hoping the dating universe would understand and send me a guy with decent brain activity but all I got was a guy closer to my height who was even more of a weirdo than the taller guy when it came to relationships.

- * I later asked for a great guy who I had lots in common with, who I’d have a riot with. I found such a guy. He was a great friend, and really good-looking too. Nothing happened. But I wasn’t his type. Ouch.

.......

Yep, the universe kept misunderstanding me. So I decided to be more specific. I am sharing what I want with you, and sending the wish out there:

I want a cute, totally single guy who is fun, nice, attractive (to me) and attracted (to me). I also want him to be easy going and have a high level of emotional intelligence. Oh, it would really help if he didn’t have kids. And it would help if he doesn’t really want kids at all. I also need him to be fun-loving, loyal and reliable. I also need him to have the skill of empathy. I want him to be romantic and attentive but not possessive. I want him to like me for who I am. And I need to have mutual sparks flying all over the place!!!

Do you think that was a bit much? Well, sorry. It never served me well when I just asked for a nice guy! So there! I think that’s specific enough.Don't you?

Feel free to be specific in comments :)

Bad Boys Are Way Overrated

2010-12-16T07:30:00.000-08:00

Ah, the allure of the term bad boy. It inspired countless stories. And there is also the myth that girls love bad boys.

OK, so it is not exactly a myth. There are many girls who like bad boys. In fact, to my major disappointment, one of my best friends admitted to this fact.

But trust me- there are also many girls out there who think bad boys are way overrated. I should know, I am one of them.

If a guy is an asshole, it is a deal-breaker. He can be the richest and/or sexiest and/or smartest man I have ever met. So what? Nothing matters when the guy doesn’t have the personality it takes to be with me. And what I basically want is a laid-back, easy-going nice guy who doesn’t see picking fights as a hobby.

And by laid-back, I don’t mean lazy or irresponsible. I just mean someone who makes it easy for me to be around him.

I don’t know when people started seeing bad boys as sexy. And movies don’t really count. Seriously. If Timothy Olyphant is playing a badass, and I am finding him attractive, it is because I just like how the guy looks and acts. I am not turned on because he is a jackass. I am turned on because he is Timothy Oylphant.

Tİmothy Olyphant with Jennifer Garner in Catch & Release.

Nice is sexy. I am not saying I’ll fall for any guy who is nice. But come on. Dating is a lot more complicated than that. There has to be an attraction. But let me tell you this much, if I ever liked a guy up to now, it was because I thought he was nice. I was so put off after I learned that the nice boy thing was an act.

And look how Hollywood makes money out of bad boys. They put a misunderstood guy who the audience thinks to be a bad guy but the guy is intrinsically good and he proves it to the audience and the girl he ends up with. Remember Patrick Swayze’s Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing? Timothy Olyphant’s Fritz in Catch and Release?

So I like good guys, shoot me. In fact, I have a feeling fewer girls would be single if bad boys were ALL THAT.

Some Essentially Recommended Movie Good Guys

Hugh Dancy’s Grigg in The Jane Austen Book Club

Hugh Dancy’s Luke Brandon in Confessions of a Shopaholic

OK, pretty much any Hugh Dancy character is a desirable nice guy, so moving on:

Matthew Macfadyen’s Mr. Darcy – Pride and Prejudice

Colin Firth’s Mark Darcy – Bridget Jones’ Diary, Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason

Lee Pace’s Michael – Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

Simon Baker’s Bryan – Something New

Daniel Day Lewis’ Hawkeye – The Last of the Mohicans

My list goes on, but you get the idea. Let me know what you like: bad boys or good guys. But even if you like bad boys, can you honestly resist a good guy looking like Simon Baker? I am just saying…

Settling, The Last of the Mohicans and Looking for Who You Really Want

2010-12-07T05:10:00.000-08:00

Image via: thematthewbryant.com

Epic/period movies are definitely harmful to any girl’s psychology. Sure, regular romantic comedies do their best to create flawed but loveable male characters that also happen to look really cute. But in (epic) period films, the hero is typically handsome, strong, thoughtful and emotional, romantic, heroic and to add insult to the injury, he is a great lover. The other night, my friend and I made the mistake of watching The Last of the Mohicans. Again. You can watch the trailer here.

The Last of the Mohicans is a great adventure/romance/war flick from 1992. Directed by Michael Mann, starring Daniel Day-Lewis and Madeleine Stowe and rated 7.8 on IMDB, it is by no means a film for just girls. But it leaves the biggest (and worst) impact on girls. You can read the plot and review here, but my first paragraph pretty much explains why Daniel’s Day character is sets an impossible example.

The truth is, we don’t expect a guy to look as gorgeous as Daniel Day does in the film. But that character of his will turn us on anytime.

Daniel Day-Lewis as Hawkeye.

So the next day, we found ourselves talking about relationships and why we are single. I complained that we are just both unlucky when it comes to attracting the guys we want to attract. But she said, usually everyone is. A majority of people fail to attract the people they truly want, so they settle for whatever they can get. That’s a depressing theory, but she might have a point.

I had mentioned in a previous post that there were 5 parameters that kept us single and those had nothing to do with high expectations. But I always want mutual attraction. I don’t believe in game-playing. I believe in being open and nice to each other. Technically, I don’t want much. But I am not going to date a guy because I am afraid of being alone or because he likes me. If I don’t like him, I am not going to spend his time or mine.

But when many people settle or date for the sake of dating and not for their actual feelings, the same people expect you to settle as well. If you are single, they try to convince you that there’s something wrong with you. But the truth is, most of the time you are single because you are not afraid to ask for what you want. You do want to feel intensely attracted to someone. You want to feel extreme excitement.

Yeah, I realize the modern guy won’t be a gorgeous adopted Mohican fighter. But hey, he doesn’t have to fight in actual battles. But he should be able to fight for you. He should be willing to make an effort to be with you and you should do the same. He has to be decent. He should respect the fact that he is not your only option but you choose to be with him- over anyone else.

So no, I am not settling. Because what bothers me is not being single. It is not being with someone I really want to be with. I have nothing against being single. If my option is to settle for less than what I want and/or deserve, I am not going to take it.

We are talking about personal and emotional compatibility, coming with mutual feelings. And I will keep searching for that. Even if I don’t find it, I’ll be proud of myself that I tried. How about you?

Book Review: What the hell is he thinking? by Zoe Strimpel

2010-12-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

I had a great laugh while I was watching Mel Gibson’s What Women Want. It was a great comedy/romance about a chauvinistic, guys’ guy who starts to change after he unexpectedly begins to hear what every woman thinks. The movie had gotten a lot of things right, but then again it was written and directed by a woman, Nancy Meyers (also the writer& director of Something's Gotta Give, It's Complicated). I had then contemplated the opposite idea. I remember thinking it would be a great idea to hear what men think…But the truth is, as long as the ability comes with an off switch, it would feel more like a curse than a blessing.

Image via cinemablend.com

Still, it sucks not being able to figure what they think, doesn’t it? Especially if you like a guy who is giving you mixed signals or acting weird. It gets even more complicated when he turns out to be the exact opposite of what he claimed to be when he was first met you. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the longer you stay in the relationship, the more you realize he was an asshole who had disguised himself as a nice guy.

As for the benefit of the doubt, there is no need to be naïve about it. I used to believe that every man was innocent until proven guilty. I was just being a nice girl and a romantic. But I realized that being a cynic does more good than harm and it is better to accept the opposite: Assume guilty until proven innocent. And there is an awesome book on relationships to help me prove my point: "He is just not that into you".

Don’t think that I am being particularly feminist or sexist- when I covered the book and the movie on the same article, I made sure I believed the books’ points made sense for both sexes. The most important to take from it is that if he/she is making you confused, making you second-guess them, you feel like there are mixed signals…well, he/she is not just that into you. It’s that simple, right?
But sometimes, you wonder why that person is like that. What the hell is crossing their minds? Why aren’t they that into you in the first place? Why are they acting like jerks?

The difference is, while “He is just not that into you” can be considered unisex in many aspects (if guys can be smart and take hints), What the Hell is He Thinking?: All the Questions You've Ever Asked About Men Answered is strictly for girls.

Image via amazon.

The author Zoe Strimpel is a British writer, born in 1982. She has been writing a dating column but she wasn’t less clueless than the majority of her friends and the rest of the female population when it came to the puzzling behavior of men. So she talked to many men, including strangers, friends, friends’ boyfriends, dating gurus…that cover a wide range of ages, physical appearance, jobs and personality.

And while it is a very fun, fast and true-to-heart read, it is not for the faint of heart as you will listen to true stories of men who only want to date skinny women but consider having sex with plump women “lovely” (they just wouldn’t date them), men who read Cosmopolitan so that they can get laid more often and fool more girls (-they don’t read these mags to make their women happy), men who get possessive over women they are not in love with, Casanova wannabes who try their initial games on you, men who give mixed signals, men who openly lust after other women while their girlfriends are present and much more depressing true stuff…

While I still believe that "He is just not that into you" the pretty much the only relationship book you’ll ever need to get to be with people you deserve, What the Hell is He Thinking?: All the Questions You've Ever Asked About Men Answered is the next best step, if you are trying to figure out what the hell was that behavior all about. And yes, many of the reasons and explanations are going to be too superficial or too brutally honest. But don’t forget, it is coming directly from the source and you did ask for it.

Do you really have a type when it comes to attraction, flirting and dating?

2010-11-30T00:51:00.000-08:00

I don’t. I’d say that generally I am more drawn to guys who are taller than me and happen to have cute smiles, but that is pretty much all they have in common. Hell, they might not even have the height in common.

I have been aware of this for a while but it dawned on me once again when a friend decided, based on my recent fascination with The Vampire Diaries’ Paul Wesley’s, looks that she has a clear idea of what my type is. Well, she was in a rush so I didn’t get a chance to show her Ian Somerholder, who plays Paul Wesley’s brother on the show. But apart from playing brother vampires and me finding both of them extremely attractive, they don’t really have anything in common. Oh, then there is also Matthew Davis, who is a guest-star on the same show. He is just gorgeous.


So this is Paul Wesley.

And this is Ian Somerhalder. Do you see a resemblance? I don't...

But I also think the “kid” brother Jeremy (who plays a high school student but is actually 22), played by Steven R. McQueen, will grow up to be a total hunk (just like his grandfather the late Steve McQueen was). Oh, let’s not forget the cast’s Zach Roerig, who plays Matt and is a total cutie. Then there is his best friend Tyler, played by Michael Trevino. Now, I shouldn’t be finding Michael Trevino attractive if Zach is my type, but I do. I love the fact that Tyler reminds me of Jonathan Rhys Meyers on his good days. Oh, and let’s not forget the guest star Taylor Kinney, who played Tyler’s Uncle Mason for 6 episodes.


Matthew Davis


Steven R. McQueen

Well, so the above examples have all been from The Vampire Diaries- but it does serve the point of this article perfectly. I find the male cast to be extremely attractive, even though they couldn’t have looked like each other less.


Michael Trevino


Zach Roerig.

Taylor Kinney.

The point is, what attracts you, attracts you. There is no point in making up rules. But don’t get me wrong, I do have rules and a certain type when it comes to personality. I want decent, fun-loving & friendly. There is no way I am giving up on that. Other than that, I am pretty open to different types when it comes to looks.

Take a look at some other celebrities that I find attractive, to further visualize my point:

*Jon Bon Jovi, Mel Gibson’s youth, Colin Firth, Gerard Butler, Clive Owen, Denzel Washington, Antonio Banderas, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Keanu Reeves, Paul Walker....

So, boys and girls, do you have a type? Really? I think it is just more fun if you don’t.

Men Want Porn, Women Need Vampires

2010-11-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize it is a weird title. It doesn’t make it any less true, though. This is basically a word-play on a bestselling book’s title. The book is called Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love and the moment I saw the book, I was really turned off by how stereotypical it was. I was in fact inspired to write a reverse article – why men need love and women need sex, to point out that both sexes need& want love and sex. We want it both and we hope to find that we can find them in the same person.

But then, as stereotypical as the title was, it is not entirely wrong. Even though sex is a biological need for both parties, women seem to be more fond of associating sex with love. It just sounds better and we really feel like we will get better sex if we are in love. And guys seem to be more obsessed with finding a woman who is good in bed, while women cross their fingers that the guy they fell in love with will be good in bed. Bit of a dilemma, right?

I am not saying you can’t have sex without love or enjoy it if there aren’t mutually intense feelings. But women are typically labeled as the more romantic ones. And well, we do form the majority of the romantic movies’ audience and the readers of romantic escapism books. And while there are certainly girls who enjoy porn, you are far more likely to find porn stuff in a guy’s room than in a girl’s. Go through her computer and DVDs or her movie/TV-watching history or her books, though, and you will run into vampires. It can be that she is more into classic stuff like Bram Stoker or Anne Rice. It could be the Twilight series, it could be the Dracula films. But it is really hard to find a girl who hasn’t enjoyed watching one vampire on the screen. So why the hell are we obssessed?

Playboy Cover. Image via:

repository.wwe.com

Oh sure, just like porn stars and male magazines’ cover girls have the bodies that attract men, the casting/writing for vampires are done with the utmost care: The guys are hot. They have great faces and bodies, intense looks and seductive traits. And even though we get our share of villains, there is always this leading vampire who falls for a human girl and we get this ever-lasting love story, where the guy risks his life to save the girl. It might be cheesy or corny, but as long as the writing and casting can pull it off, us girls are willing to buy it all. The blood and the sex might be drawing men in, but for girls- it is usually the sexy and passionate love story.

Image via: werewolves.com. You see the guys on each side? They are both vampires. The one on the left is played by Ian Somerhalder. The other by Paul Wesley. Yes, girls love them both.

And guys might make fun of it as they want, but frankly, I’d not poke fun if I were them. It is not like they are always watching state of the art films with substance. They can watch as much Nolan or Scorsese or Fincher or whoever they like. There will still be those porn movies we know they love watching for you know what.

So yeah, guys and girls tend to see love and sex differently at times. I propose we leave each other alone with this. They are never going to respect our crush for Boreanaz or Pattinson or Somerhalder. And we never want to catch them at it, especially when they are getting assistance from their “quality” stash.

But I suppose once in a while, we get series like True Blood, that seems to give both parties what they want at the same time. It is nice to find a vampire thing to watch together. And hey, occasionally, we do end up in relationships where we want similar things.

So guys like porn. Girls like vampires. But we both want the love and the sex after all...

Sluts, Manwhores & One Night Stands

2010-11-15T08:57:00.000-08:00

This really might solve the memory loss for the guy but what if she doesn't remember either?

Katherine Heigl’s Abby calls Gerard Butler’s Mike a manwhore in The Ugly Truth. Well, he has a dirty mind, a dirty tongue and he does sleep around a lot. But manwhore sounds a bit harsh, so I am just going to call Mike a slut. Here's how I define a slut: a person who sleeps around too much, has one night stands all the time and has sex on first date a lot- sluts. Obviously, the girls who do these are regarded as sluts in many countries, no matter how liberated or open-minded they claim to be) maybe with the exception of Scandinavia...) So, if women are going to be called sluts, so should men be.

Gerard Butler as Mike in The Ugly Truth - he is posing with the fun-bag twins (a.k.a the girls he wrestled with in Jell-O). Image via allmoviephoto.com

How did this come up? I was sitting in a bar with friends and chatting with a Scottish mate. He kept entertaining us with all the dirty stories he had (you know, stories that you could catch on Sex and The City or Entourage episodes). It was all really fun and entertaining until I realized he was trying to make himself sound like a victim- like the girls forced themselves on him, that any embarrassing result was due to the girl and all that…

He was entertaining me, until he said he could never really date a girl who slept with him on the night they met. It'd be if he just meant that it may not be a great idea to start something meaningful with a person you just went to bed with. But what he means is how can he possibly date a girl who just slept with him right away? You don't date sluts, do you?

Whoa, what? What kind of a double standard is that? I am not the biggest fan of one night stands, but if a guy is going to consider a girl “not relationship material” because of this, there is something very twisted in his logic. When to sleep with a person is a personal and mutual decision.

But I know one thing for sure. If she is a slut, so is he. And I kept laughing at his face all night, saying he was sooo slutty and not relationship material. He hadn't looked at it like that before.

Now, I am not taking a moral point of view here, folks. I am just all for equity. What is the point of all this? Well: imagine how awkward (and entertaining for us females) it would be, if a guy met the girl of his dreams and he had sex with her right away. Perfect scenario, right? She is hot, fun and impulsive. But then he realizes she is not returning his calls. And who could blame her? How is she going to know he doesn’t do it with every girl he meets? How is she going to take him seriously? Yep, that was sarcasm...

Every coin has two sides, boys. Just so you remember it..

5 Parameters That Keep Us Single

2010-11-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

When you have been single for a long time, your friends love to treat you like you don’t have a boyfriend because you are looking for The One, a guy looking like your favorite celebrities or some other theory that indicates that you have very high standards for the other party’s looks, personality or both. Well, the thing is, you don’t really have to go after the impossible to remain single.

Recently I was thinking about how it was a shame that there weren’t many attractive men around. Sure, there are some but finding a guy attractive doesn’t cut it alone. He has to be straight, single and you need to be his type as well. And of course when these come together, you should be into you enough. Otherwise he will just waste your time.

So let’s say you found your straight, single, attractive (to you) and into you, there is another thing you need to have a relationship to work: he has to be a good boyfriend. And by good boyfriend, I don’t mean candles and flowers and all that crap. He just needs to be nice to you, respect you and be able to show he likes you. If the guy is a lousy boyfriend, it won’t cut it if he is the nicest guy on the planet.

So the next time you want to blame something for your being single, you can very well curse the statistics. After all, it is not that easy to find a single, straight, cute guy that attracts you and that you attract. And he also should be a good boyfriend too. Yes, girls. We are screwed.

And boys, don’t raise your eyebrows already! If you are single, chances are you are looking for that single, straight, cute girl who is your type and wants you and isn’t a total psycho in a relationship. Good luck to you too...

I don’t think things work that much differently if you are gay. You need that cute person to be gay or at least bi and the rest is the same.

And if you are bi, maybe you might have a better chance at beating the odds.

Let me know if you recently met someone who fulfills the 5 parameters and you have my blessing. And wish the rest of us some good luck.

He (or She) Is Just Not That Into You: The Book, The Movie and Real Life

2010-10-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

This is a book and movie review combined into one. But since it is one of the most honest and refreshing non-fiction books ever, it should be on this post. Now, the original title is He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, but since the advice in the book are better applied to both sexes, I needed to add “she” to the mix.

The Book

The book title is the somewhat amusing and harsh title “He is just not that into you”. It was written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Now, I had first thought it was one of those stupid self-help books that are full of bullshit- stuff that tells you the obvious. Well, but this one is about the obvious facts, it is about the obvious stuff we just have hard time accepting when we genuinely like someone. It sucks to come to terms with the fact that our feelings are not reciprocated, that the object of our affection/love/lust/crush/whatever doesn’t feel the same way.

I have to say I am not as naive as Gigi (played wonderfully by Ginnifer Goodwin) was in the beginning of the movie (I will be talking about the film soon), I never thought that a guy was being an asshole to me because he liked me. If someone is mean to you, it is because they don’t like you. It is one in a million that a person will act like that only because they are intimidated by how they feel about you. And even then, it is probably not going to work out because they will be inclined to act like a bitch/jerk every time they feel frustrated. So it is never a good sign. So if they are acting like they don’t like you – men or women- well, it is because they don’t.

Real Life

But it is much more complicated when they are not simply mean, isn’t it? Maybe they are nice and even friendly. Maybe they are sending out mixed signals. One action is telling you to run a mile from them and another is indicating that they are obviously interested in you. Then you are tempted to wait by the phone (or stay glued to your cell/facebook/messenger- whatever your poison) and your friends are also thrown in the game to analyze this person of your interest.

Now guys mostly like to act like they are above the analyzing and waiting for the call/message rituals but trust me half my good friends are men (gay and straight, both) and when they truly like someone, they do feel the need to analyze the actions and the messages. You do have the tendency to lose your confidence. If you are not the least bit self-conscious, it is probably because you are just not that into the person. Did you watch Gerard Butler’s The Ugly Truth? Ignore the film’s romantic clichés and pay attention to how his character’s actions and expectations change when he really falls for the girl…

Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl in The Ugly Truth

Now, notice how I am talking men and women at the same time? Although the book is targeted to women, the basics of the relationships/dating/flirting triangle are pretty much the same. There are some vital and very obvious signs that tell you whether that the other person likes you or not. Now, the book is full of little pages of facts about the situations we get into. Every page ends up with “He is just not that into you”. But make the “he”s she, and the “she”s he and you will see that the book works very well for both sexes.

The movie is inspired by these facts but they throw in the perspectives of both sides- and how the book has correctly made the assumptions. The authors have worked on Sex and The City episodes. Now, this movie might be as categorized as a romantic comedy but trust me it is not a typical one. And the book proved right with every guy I ever had, every guy I wanted but couldn’t have, as well as the ones who wanted me.

Before I go into the characters and the plot of the movie, let me talk about some basic advice of the book. Guys if you are reading, feel free to adapt the lines.

*If he is playing games and making you guess (playing the hot/cold routine with you or if he is just acting like a jerk), he is just not that into you.

*If he says he is not the marrying type, it just means he doesn’t want to marry you.

*If he is cheating, he is just not that into you.

*If a guy likes you, he will ask you out. The complications don’t matter. If he likes you, he will make it happen. If it’s not happening, he is…. Yeah, you can fill in the blanks and you do get the idea.

…

Of course the book uses a much more entertaining (or painful- depends on your condition) language than my paraphrased and summarized version.

The Movie starring Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connelly, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long and Drew Barrymore

He’s Just Not That Into You was released in 2009, directed by Ken Kwapis. Written by Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein, based on the book of the same title.

Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) has grown up believing in the all the wrong myths about men. She has gotten used to the drama and making up excuses whenever a guy doesn’t show up or call as he promises. She has a what she thinks to be a promising date with real estate agent Conor (Kevin Connolly). But Connor is barely interested in Gigi. He has always had a major crush on his bed buddy Anna (Scarlett Johansson). But to Anna, Conor is merely a safe bet to hang out and have sex with whenever she feels like it. She is much more excited by Ben (Bradley Cooper), a guy she meets at the supermarket. OK, so he is married to Janine (Jennifer Connelly), his college sweetheart. But Anna feels like he could be the one for her and that his marriage is a mistake. Ben embarks a dangerously tempting platonic friendship with Anna. She is just the opposite of his wife. Anna is a feisty, sexy and curvy blonde who is full of life whereas Janine loves her rules and seems more interesting in restoring the house they bought more than anything.

Beth (Jennifer Aniston) has been with the loving, considerate and loyal Neil (Ben Affleck) for 7 years. Their relationship is just perfect, except for Neil’s one big flaw: he is never intending to marry Beth- and Beth seems to be or at least pretends to be okay with this.

Mary (Drew Barrymore) takes care of Conor’s advertising business though they have never met in person. She is also Anna’s best friend. She of course knows about Anna’s major crush for Ben and being the good friend, she encourages her to pursue him after all, just because he is married, it doesn’t mean that his wife is the love of his wife. Does it?

The teachings of the book are implied through the very beginning of the movie where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and cultures feed each other the same stories and excuses that Gigi has grown up over. Excuses are made for guys’ actions whereas the explanation is plain and simple: it is in the movie’s title. It takes a chance encounter with Connor’s best friend Alex (Justin Long) for Gigi to face the reality. Alex notices that Gigi is a nice, pretty yet a disillusioned girl so he decides to enlighten her about how guys really think. Now that Gigi has wised up, she shares her wisdom with her work mates Beth and Janine. Everything gets more complicated as women reexamine their relationships. Gigi also befriends Alex- who becomes her guide to understanding men.

The movie is funny and it has characters from all stages of all sorts of relationships: Marriages, dating, flirting, long relationships- from the perspective of both men and women. The observations are pretty accurate since the writers consist of a man and a woman. Just relax and enjoy. It is not all sweet and happy endings for everyone. You just have to watch and see what happens for each one of the characters.

The cast is very good and the script is funny. It is not life-altering of course but it gives some really good pointers that we should keep in mind when it comes to sex and romance.

How Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and Matthew Macfadyen's Darcy Ruined Women Forever

2010-10-25T05:16:00.000-07:00

Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in 2005's Pride and Prejudice

Well, I love Jane Austen. I haven’t read all her novels and I do have a sneaky suspicion that I won’t fall in love with her other stories as much as I did with Pride and Prejudice. I read the novel, watched the 2005 film with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen and later went on to watch the 1995 TV series starring Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. And maybe because I watched the movie first, for me the perfect Darcy is Matthew Macfadyen. I love Firth to bits, but my heart is Matthew’s with this one.

I am a romantic and I do watch a lot of romantic movies. So far I wrote reviews for a lot of them and even started an article series called Too Romantic for Your Own Good. It has parts 1 and 2.The 3^rd installment is on its way. So even though the movies I listed in those articles involve some really great male characters, let’s face it- they don’t hold a candle to Darcy.

Well, if you need a memory check on the movie, this is the place to go.

Now that you are all with me on the story:

Darcy is…..(again based both on the book and the movie)

*Confident.

Though he comes off as arrogant at first, he is actually reserved and a little shy when he fist faces an encounter. But he is so confident; you could never tell he was just a little bit shy.

*Romantic

Oh my God, do you remember how he declared his love? Sure there were moments when he pissed us off with some of the stuff that came out of his mouth (and he was spot on about her mother), but the way he tells Lizzy he loves her…and when he tells her. Oh, the rain…

And obviously how he tells again at the end.. Wow...Seriously. Wow!

Okay, in case you want to relive the moment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R-Zg5es7mg

And then the second declaration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtIgc3WAsSk&feature=related

*Handsome.

Tall, dark, brooding, blue-eyed, gorgeous British man who also happens to be caring and romantic... And upon that, he actually is cute. Go figure.

*Nice

Well, he corrected his mistake and made sure Bingley and Jane got the happy ending they deserved. Then he prevented a scandal for one of the sisters. Yes, he was doing it for Elizabeth.

*Rich

OK, with this qualities, any sane woman would not care about his finances. But he also happens to be rich. Oh. My. God. Seriously.

**
Yes, this is a fictional character created by a woman. And Darcy just is played by the adorable Matthew Macfadyen. But this doesn’t change the fact that millions of women are still in love with a character created hundreds of years ago. The problem is, even though we have lowered our expectations for the guys we run across in real life, Darcy still is the “dream” guy. It is how a guy should be. He doesn’t really have to be rich or insanely handsome but he has to be able to feel as intensely as Darcy , and has to have the guts to tell them to you, screw the consequences…

This the fairy tale story and ending (and casting) that ruined us all. And yes, deep down, I will always be wanting Darcy. So the next time a guy complains about all women being hopeless romantics, you can just show him how it all started. Tell him to blame it on Austen. Women and our “extremely unrealistic” expectations…Poor(?!) men. How are they going to keep up? I mean we do want them to be sensitive and impulsive and romantic and loving…oh, and nice and consistent.

Have you met him? If you did, and you are into him, do marry him! Or date him forever. Whatever suits you;)

All Posts Feat. Matthew Macfadyen

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Older Women dating Younger Men vs. Older Men Dating Younger Women

2010-10-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is a subject that has always intrigued me. When I was younger, I used to think people should date people their own age or people really close to their age. Now, I really couldn’t have cared less. In fact, I am in favor of dating older men (men who are 15 years older than me are OK) . Well, obviously I don’T find any older man attractive. I like a guy who is energetic but also know who he is, what he wants and is sick of playing games with the opposite sex. Plus, I think that men usually mature a little later than women. You might disagree, but all the men I know seem to prove this.

Image via susansarandon.net. Interestingly, she was the older one. I thought Tim always looked older, especially after the white hair thing.

Now, I am not dating younger men either. While it might seem contrary to what I say earlier, I am not against being proven wrong. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher seem to be working out just fine. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins dated more than 20 years. Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are still together.

Society strangely still seems to favor men dating younger women. Well, the romantic and the feminist in me couldn’t disagree more. Obviously there is no way I’d approve a 20 year-old dating a 80 year-old, a 10 or 15 year age gap seems trivial if the couple seems to be getting along. Hell maybe even 15-20 won’t matter. But I recently watched a lovely stint on a comedy show:

A husband and wife are really having difficulty getting used to the fact that their son will bring home a girl to meet them. He is in college so they know it is time. However they are shocked when they realize the girlfriend seems a good 15 years older than him. Since this is comedy, they throw around hilarious jokes around, universally reflecting the opinions on age difference:

Dad: Really? Why did you bring your girlfriend’s mother to meet us?

Dad: Are you sure you want more salt? Maybe you want to watch the high pressure?

Dad: Our son is failing history? Why doesn’t he ask you?

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While you laugh your head off, it makes you think. Then the guy’s uncle comes over. He seems to think that this is a prank. He even calls the woman “stale”. But guess what kind of girls the uncle is into? High school girls!

Cougar Town's Courteney Cox with David Arquette. They are separated now, but they got along fabulously for over a decade. He is 7 years her junior.

Another fun example that you might have caught on TV is Courteney Cox’s show Cougar Town. The show is fun and you can read my review on here. But, to directly talk about our topic: In the show Courtney plays a 40-something-hottie of a single mom. She is newly divorced and nothing is holding back from dating. Although there is one issue: The men her age are either married or they are dating much younger women, including her newly divorced hot neighbor Grayson (Josh Hopkins). And younger men seem to find older women hot and intriguing. So she starts dating younger men.

Thankfully Hollywood movies seem to carry less double standards nowadays. Did you notice how Michelle Pfeiffer's on-screen romantic partners are get younger as she grows older?

So I want to know what you think. Would you date someone much younger? Older? Have you ever dated someone younger/older? I once dated a 32-year-old when I was 21 and it was so much fun.

Or what kind of men/women would you break your own rules for? Yes, celebrity examples count. We need to visualize, right?

12 Things in a RelationshipThat Should Make You Bolt

2010-10-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

Relationships start on a good note. Both sides seem willing to make gestures and necessary compromises. However the honeymoon period eventually ends and couples are faced with the true personality of each other. People tend to relax after they have settled in to a relationship. However, there is a very fine line between settling and taking the other person for granted. There is also a fine line between relaxing too much and driving each other nuts with extra attention.

Below are the warning signs that should make you run for the door.

1.       He is calling 10 times a day. Unless you are dying or dealing with a sickness, there is no logical explanation for calling someone 10 times a day. It suggests obsessively controlling tendencies over your life.

2.       If she is calling once in every 10 days. You keep calling her but she is barely calling you back. Unless you are in a fight, she shouldn’t be playing hard to get. You are in a relationship because you wanted to communicate with this person regularly. She should be wanting to hear from you.

3.       If he is overly possessive and/or jealousy. Jealousy and Possessiveness are no prettier than the ugly step sisters of Cinderella. It indicates lack of trust, both in one self and both in each other. And if you don’t have trust in a relationship, you shouldn’t be in that relationship at all.

4.       If she is overly controlling. Another ugly step sister or brother to jealousy and possession. Sharing your email and facebook passwords, using joint accounts, checking each other’s messages, getting paranoid every time someone from the opposite sex calls or texts.

5.       If he is placing extreme importance on your physical appearance while not taking care of himself at all. Hypocrisy and one-sided demands are not attractive qualities. Many men love the idea that their girlfriends should be fit, stylish, well-groomed and well beautiful. It is understandable that your partner needs and wants you to look your best- so as long as they are willing to put in equal effort into their looks.

6.       If she is constantly criticizing you, comparing to other people, especially to her friends’ or acquaintances boyfriends. You are your own person and the only benchmark relationship should be your own.

7.       You can’t remember what attracted you to him in the first place. When you first met, he was sweet, considerate, romantic and loving. However he has turned into a selfish, inconsiderate and an ever-practical human being. Either ask for the guy at the beginning to make a come back or pack your bags. This is not what you signed up for.

8.       She is not there for you when you need them her though you have always supported her. A relationship is a two-way street. Everything should be mutual. There is something very wrong if you are feeling lonely in a relationship.

9.       He doesn’t have faith in your relationship. If he doesn’t think it is not worth fighting for, listen to him. It means he doesn’t want to put an effort. Neither should you.

10.   She is suggesting threesomes and open relationships. Boys are often stereotyped as sex-crazed people who would love to have threesomes, which means they want to sleep with two women at once. However, there is another side to the coin, depicted very well and funnily in the British sitcom Coupling. Womanizer Patrick decides to dump his new girlfriend because she has rejected the notion of threesomes. However he is glad when she ”comes to her senses” and admits that she is seriously considering it and says it will be fun. So she tells Patrick that she will arrange their partner. But Patrick is terrified at the sight of the third person. It’s none other than Jeff, his mate. The next time your partner suggest a threesome, make sure they can visualize how disturbing it can be. If all else fails, bolt.

11.   If he is constantly and openly lusting after other people when they are with you. This one need not be explained.

12.   If she is valuing her time, dreams and career vast over yours. Both of you are equally important as individuals. Don’t underestimate your life or overestimate hers.