I have a group of friends from high school who I see
kind of regularly. There is an organized
meeting usually once a month where we hang out at several locations in one day,
spend a couple of hours and talk our butts off. But the friends from
Friends TV show, we
ain’t.
We kind of used to be like Friends, to be honest. In the
beginning. We were 7 people (that’s almost 6, give me a break!), and we even
had a brother-sister and a couple in our group for crying out loud!
We hung out a lot in the town (it’s actually a neighborhood
bigger than
the town I stayed
in when I lived in Norway- which I totally adored, but that’s another post)
where we went to high school, frequented several bars and coffee shops, and had
a blast. We talked about anything and everything. We were there for each other,
and we knew what was going on in each other’s lives without having to check
Facebook. Heck, there were even regular phone calls and house parties.
Then we grew up a little, and dynamics changed severely.
The couple of in the group had a more tumultuous
relationship than Ross and Rachel, but they did manage to tie to knot.
One guy dated some girls that didn’t quite suit the group
(or suit him, for that matter), but then found the love of his love – and the
two serious couples couples started spending more time together than ever,
especially after they also got married.
Another guy also managed to hook up with a girl who for some
reason didn’t like the group all that much. They moved in together, and we
started to see less of him. Or let’s say I saw less of him. We used to be a lot
closer.
This is not to say our group got smaller. It kind of doubled
in numbers in the most cliché fashion, you decide: another high school friend
started hanging out with us more, bringing along two more high school friends
who were tighter with some of the people in our group. Then this guy started
dating the sister of the girl in group number 2 (separating groups is not to be
excluding, but to make sure you don’t get confused) and the group merged into
one. Confused yet? I’d totally draw a chart or comic strip if I could draw
anything.
The other guy in that second group was also seeing a girl
who we got to meet and like, and (I’m guessing she liked us too) so she occasionally
tagged along, which is cool.
But the brother in the original group went to study abroad,
the sister started taking (and than giving) intense dance lessons (hence
missing a lot of gatherings) and well, I didn’t feel like I belonged to the
chatter of marriage and in-laws and serious relationships.
Oh, the marriage of our Chandler and Monica unfortunately
ended up in divorce, so there is this subtle awkwardness in our meetings now.
The guy dating the sister in the other group married the
sister, by the way, and they seem happy. Fingers crossed for their
relationship.
I was at the birthday dinner of the second married couple,
and the attendance of the original 7 Friends was initially 2, then came up to
4. Surprise, surprise, we weren’t all together.
Nowadays our headcount reaches twenty or so, many of them being
siblings/friends/dates/spouses of the parties we know. Many of them are nice, so it is not a
problem.
In theory, we are meeting new and nice people and which is
great. But when you take a closer look, you’ll see that I know a lot less about
my friends’ lives now.
I know the official stories - who they are with, where they
are working and their general happiness level. But that’s about it. They know
about the same about me. Any other extra info, we get from social media. Oh,
the joy...
A couple of months ago, in a form of sweet rebellion, I
organized a girls-only night – and invited all the girls in my currently huge
group. Only the original sister (refer to the first “Friends”
mentioned) couldn’t make it. Well working/dancing and dating far away from everyone
else does take its toll.
When you looked at it, I only knew one of the girls from the
original group from way, way back. But it was a lot of fun, and we got to talk.
I plan to organize more.
The point is, when most of your friends get engaged or
married, they tend to hang with other couples and/or people in large numbers. I
suppose it’s a time-saving tactic. With all the work, responsibilities of a
marriage (such as in-law visits) and managing your own household, they can’t afford
too many small groups. And they do want to talk about couples’ stuff, and
couples relate better (to have a laugh, try Friends season 8, episode 4 – where
Monica and Chandler piss Phoebe and Joey off with their obsession to make
friends with a couple). And Joey hilariously comments, pointing to him and
Phoebe: “You mean one, two people? A couple?”
I’m not on a best-friend or closer friend status as I used
to be for the original group. And I’m more like a close acquaintance to the
extended group. And it is fine, because it goes both ways. The problem with it,
though, it really makes me question the quality of the time we spend together.
How much we know, how close we are.
I guess many (still) consider me the Phoebe of the group.
Well, I’m the only freelancer among them. And being more persistently single,
confirmity-rejecting and having “quirky” ideas (like not wanting kids, wanting
to own a beach house in Malibu and all that), I can see where they come from.
Maybe this is why Friends lasted only 10 years. They didn’t
want us to see that they stopped hanging out with each other that regularly,
knew less about each other (or just knew what’s on the surface) and well, there
were at least ten more people at all their gatherings.
Come of to think of it, it has been 10 (will be 11 in June) years
since I graduated from high school. Ouch.
How are your “friends” relationships? How did things change
when your friends started dating?
