Thursday, November 29, 2012

A Unique Way of Dealing with Romantic Rejection

Image via

Have you ever been rejected by someone you liked? If your answer is no, then you have either been really lucky, or you have dated below your league (and no, “your league” doesn’t just consist of looks.)

I’ve been rejected a couple of times. The first one was totally on me, since I saw it just a challenge to ask out a boy who I didn’t really know, and I did it during my ugly duckling phase.

Rejection can come in different forms. Sometimes it can be a surprised series of babbling to avoid a straight no answer and sometimes it can be the “but we’re friends!”route. Sometimes it’s all mixed signals, until you realize he’s just never been that into you and was just biding his time. But it happens.

So directly, I have been rejected twice. Indirectly, counting the mixed signals, and even my own backing down deciding that he really isn’t just that into me (and trust me, I was right pretty much every time), well…there has been a few.

It might suck, but the only explanation is that shit happens. Because guess what? I have rejected a lot of people. Not out of arrogance or anything, but we were either great friends or had nothing in common. But mostly because there was no attraction on my part or no meeting of the minds. We were just horrible fits.

Not everyone you fancy is going to like you back. Some people will like you a lot less or a lot more than you like them.

I have a couple of friends who have never been rejected: Either because they never put themselves out there, or they always dated people who they should have never dated.

So how do you deal with rejection?

     There’re many routes (they’re usually used together in varied orders.)

  •  Bitch to your friends.
  •  Eat lots of junk food, watch/listen to romantic stuff.
  •  Distance yourself from anything remotely romantic. 
  •   Get drunk.
  •   Flirt like hell with people who you find attractive, but couldn’t care less if nothing would happen (and coincidentally, something almost always happens.) Good for ego boost.
  • Shop.
  • Get a make-over.
  • Hit the gym/dance floor- whatever fitness activity takes your fancy.,
  • Get under somebody else.

But the truth is none of them help much at the end of the day. Because while your ego recovers, your pessimism/cynicism doesn’t.

Why can’t you just get lucky and find the person that you’re looking for-who also has been looking for you at a time when you are both ready and single?

A More Fun and Effective Way of Dealing with Rejection
      Well, the universe does work in mysterious ways so if you don’t want to stay depressed and/or settle (both options I personally hate), try listening to & reading rejections of others- and not just your friends’. People who got/get rejected in any area of life, and yet they’ve also had tons of success.   

     * Start with writers. Seriously. I’m a writer, and I put my work out there and I get rejected. I also get accepted, but I do get rejected. A lot. So I surround myself with stories of successful writers who have been rejected many times. 

      Some have gone on to become serial best-sellers. Some are highly accomplished non-fiction writers who still don’t always land the assignment. When you look at the numbers, my romantic rejections seem….very trivial. Let’s go over some rejected writers, just to give you an idea:

  • John Grisham
  • J.K. Rowling
  • Stephen King
  • George Orwell
  • Jack Kerouac 
  • Beatrix Potter 

No matter how talented (great/good-looking/nice) you are, you’ll get rejected. The person at the receiving end doesn’t perceive you as a good match. So you look for other who might be. We’re eliminating the extremely lucky ones who get a very good publishing deal very soon, just like we are eliminating the high school sweethearts who go on to marry, never fall out of love and don’t end up divorced. 

* Move on to actors. Many of the great roles that are associated with them didn’t come to them as a first choice, or they almost didn’t do it. 

Imagine Die Hard without Willis. I can’t, but apparently Arnold or Sly could have gotten it.
Now imagine Ghost without Patrick Swayze. Bruce Willis passed. So glad he did.

Mel Gibson almost didn’t play William Wallace in Braveheart, and he’d just have been director/producer-2 difficult jobs he nailed- but without him, the movie wouldn’t have been the same. 

* Dorothea Hurley almost didn’t marry Jon Bon Jovi. Now, I don’t know a lot of girls rejecting the guy-and you could have said she played hard to get, but she was already dating him from high school. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to be with him in the long run, him being a rocker and on the road and all.

Do you see where I am getting with this? In a world where pretty much everyone gets rejected or one reason or the other, there is no point in making it about you. One person will think you’re not good-looking (there are people calling Channing Tatum average/off-putting etc.), and one person will think you’re gorgeous (he was chosen the sexiest man alive by the People magazine.) And yeah, I’m choosing extreme examples on purpose. One person will think you are annoying, the other won’t be able to get enough of you. 

You’ll reject and get rejected and not just in dating. But when the right thing/person/project comes, you’ll be very happy and decide it was all worth it. So remember it is not you, it is not them. It’s just about abstract stuff like perception, taste, possibility and timing. 

If you still want to go get drunk, I can’t stop you. Just try not to make things worse by any drunk-dialing or ending up in jail.

P.S. In case you want to go the tradition route (of dealing with rejection) and get immersed in movies and songs, I’ll be helping you with suggestions in future posts. 

Friday, May 4, 2012

Why It is Awesome That Your Taste in Men Is Different from Your Friends'

My girl friends and I rarely have the same taste in men. Sure, we occasionally gush over the same celebrities (e.g. Hugh Jackman) but we hardly ever find a non-celebrity guy hot at the same time and we don’t simultaneously get attracted to him. 

One might be too  confident/not confident enough, nice/too nice, tall/short or slim/well-built,….etc. for the other. And this is great news for our friendships!

I do believe that good friends come before a boyfriend, especially if he is not the one. And let’s face it- “The One” won’t have problems with your friends, so let’s go with “good friends, male or female, come before boyfriends”.

Michael Trevino - Tyler from Vampire Diaries. 

Ian Somerhalder - Damon from The Vampire Diaries. Image via

I might be one of the few fans of the series that thinks Tyler is hotter than Damon. But I have always found good boys hotter than the bad, and with the exception of season 1, Tyler has been a pretty impressive guy, and given my soft spot for Jonathan Rhys Meyers (who Michael Trevino reminds me of), it is no wonder I prefer one over the other. But hey - it is exactly the point- difference in tastes, whatever the reasons.

You might think that even though you are attracted to the same guy, your friendship is strong enough to survive, whether the guy of interest chooses one of you or not. But even though your friendship might come out of this situation unscratched, your ego might not. You might find yourself thinking “what does she have that I don’t?” or “She must be better/prettier/sexier/more interesting/more exciting….than me.”

As much as we appreciate the good/awesome/attractive qualities of our friends, we don’t exactly want to get a comparative evaluation- and of course this is if he picks your friend. 
Your friend might experience the same insecurities as you if the situation is reversed,  and even for the most non-jealous types (and I’m one of them – envying a woman for hooking up with the celebrity of your dreams (e.g. Josh Holloway) doesn’t count, things could get complicated, and I am honest enough to admit it. Well, at least to you and myself, that is.

Of course you might take the higher road and never let the guy know you are also interested, but that might not exactly make you feel better either. What if he is the one, and you let him get away? And this is real life, not a romantic comedy that I’d love. The right guy doesn’t take one look at you and realize you are “it.” And it also takes a helluva lot more than a look for you to notice the right person too. And it is OK. But realizing that you made a sacrifice, and your friend didn’t – and especially if you are the one making sacrifices and compromises more often in your friendship, the higher road might damage your friendship more than a direct competition would.

But if you have noticed, the situation where there is a subtle or a not-so-subtle competition between me and my friends is hypothetical. At least it has been hypothetical for me. Because it makes talking about guys a lot more fun. There is no risk for your ego or friendship. You can be very objective about the problems your friend is having in her relationship (or let’s say it is much easier to deem the guy a jack*** and support your friend 100%.)

However, like almost everything in life, there is a catch. When you don’t find the guy attractive/cute/nice/dateable at all, your friend might get offended and start getting extra defensive. Or she might feel discouraged and have a little less fun because you don’t see what she sees.

Now of course this situation has happened to me a lot. But hey, when this happens, I always remind to my friend that it is so much better that I get to see what she can’t, and that we won’t ever have to compete. And maybe it is a protective instinct on my end to keep our friendship as intact as ever, I try to see the good in the guy, so I can get excited when he is nice to her. Nobody enjoys a friend who keeps complaining about her relationship. But it also means I get to see what’s wrong with the guy even when he seems good in theory, or when she seems unreasonably smitten.

This works before they get together as well. Because hey, this is not The Vampire Diaries, and you are not Elena (i.e. Matt, Stefan, Damon- and on occasion, I suspect even Elijah.) Not every guy you have ever been interested in becomes smitten by you. 

Sometimes your crush is unreciprocated.  When this happens, it is so much easier to come to the rescue and help your friend get over her crush, or at least tone it down because you know why the guy is wrong for her or why he lacks so many things.

For instance, one of my best friends had a crush on this guy. I’ll admit, if I consider his looks objectively, he is good-looking. But knowing he was arrogant and overly confident, I didn’t even notice he could be considered attractive until my friend forced me to really look at him. But when I did, there was no attraction on my side, because arrogance in guys is a complete turn-off for me. And there is the thing that I like my guys taller than me. Hey, like Rachel said in Friends during a fight with Ross, size does matter. Of course she was talking about something else, but hey, the principle is the same.

So yes,  it might be less fun when your friends think your boyfriend is not at all that impressive or severely-flawed or vice versa, but it helps both sides remain objective, fully supportive and bring humor to the table when needed. 

So yes, I think that having totally different taste in men, when it comes guys in real life, is awesome. Don’t you?

Friday, April 27, 2012

Best Friends before Boyfriends? How to Balance Your Relationship with Both

Have you ever had a friend who got so obsessed with their boyfriend/girlfriend that she forgot your phone number? Have you ever dated someone who just seemed to hardly fit you into their calendar when they couldn’t get enough of his friends?

We’ve all been there. OK-so we might have sometimes been the ones not being able to balance everything. Maybe we got sick of listening to our friends going on about how horrible/amazing their boyfriends/girlfriends were, or we just drove our friends crazy doing the same thing.

But let’s face it. You need a romantic life. You need your friends. No need to mess up or give up on either need.

Below is a helpful guest post by Nadia Jones who gives you the right tips so it doesn’t get complicated:

Mike (Paul Rudd) & Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) in a scene from Friends. They were endgame because not only they were great together, but Mike got along famously with her friends, Phoebe didn't go all friends before hoes (or vice versa) on Mike.       

When it comes to relationships, there is nothing more important than the one you have with yourself. But, let’s admit it, your hot boyfriend and adorable best friend are vying for a close second. Unfortunately, managing a balance between a great romantic relationship and the girls and guys who are always by your side, no matter who you date, is a complicated matter. But, with a little effort on your part, and by following some of the most essential do’s and don’ts, you may find that there’s no need to put one before the other.

1. Don’t Badmouth
This is an absolute cardinal sin, even though too many girls find themselves doing it. Do NOT badmouth your boyfriend to your friends or your friends to your boyfriend. Not only is it totally disrespectful to all parties, there is no surer way to draw a battle line between your beau and your besties. You should most definitely confide in your friends about relationship problems (that’s what they’re there for!), and there is no harm in occasionally asking your boyfriend to lend an ear when you’re having a disagreement with a friend, but, if you constantly say negative things about your friends or your boyfriend, you need to get a grip or you could land yourself both friendless and beau-less.

2. Do Find a Balance
Way too many girls neglect their friends after getting into a relationship. While your friends should understand a short, new relationship M.I.A. period, if you find yourself spending all your time with your beau and constantly saying no to invites from friends, you need to get a healthy balance back in your life.

3. Don’t Tell Secrets
Under no circumstances should you tell your best friend’s deepest, darkest secrets to your boyfriend. While you may want to tell each other everything, you should never do it at the sake of your friend’s trust. The same goes for your boyfriend. You can’t tell your best friend things that he doesn’t want people to know just because you happen to be speaking to your totally trustworthy bestie.

4. Do Keep Your Promises
If you have plans coming up with friends or activities that you all do together on a regular basis, don’t start going back on your word just because you would rather hang with your boyfriend. You will always end up feeling guilty and will probably end up talking to your boyfriend about how guilty you feel the entire time you’re hanging out, so just keep your plans with pals intact.

5. Don’t Expect Them to Become Friends
If it happens naturally, then that’s great. But you can’t treat your boyfriend like he is suddenly a member of your group of best friends and expect things to go over well. Your friends want to hang out with you, not him. So don’t drag him around to shopping and movies with your BFF. Likewise, don’t drag your BFF to a bar that he or she will surely hate just because your boyfriend and his friends are there.

Author Bio:
This is a guest post by Nadia Jones who blogs at accredited online colleges about education, college, student, teacher, money saving, movie related topics. You can reach her at nadia.jones5 @

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The husband is 11 years older than the wife! What an outrage!

Yes, the title is pure sarcasm. 

How often do you see a couple where the husband is 11 years older than the wife and freak out? I’m guessing it is not something that sends you panicking. Let’s say she is 37, and he is 48. Let’s say she looks younger, but he is in good shape, and he really cares about her. No, he is not rich. It sounds pretty normal to me. Maybe because I actually did date a guy who was exactly 11 years older than me (21-32) and had a great time.

Nina Dobrev (The Vampire Diaries’ Elena/Katherine) is dating Ian Somerhalder (The Vampire Diaries’ Damon). Nina was born in 1989, and Ian in 1978. I think they make a very pretty couple. And they have always seemed to be getting along so well-so who the hell cares?

Awake TV Series image via

But I was visiting the IMDB boards of my current favorite TV show Awake, mainly to spread the word about the petition for the show to get a second season, and I saw that a lot of people were freaked out that Jason Isaacs (born in 1963)’ character was paired with Laura Allen’s (born in 1974). These characters have been married a long time, and have a 15-year-old son.
On the left: Laura Allen. In the middle: Jason Isaacs. Image via

They made Jason’s character a creep, saying Laura’s too young to have a kid at that age. Like people always have babies in their 30s. Like a 19 year-old never hooked up with a 30 year old. Oh wait- Nina was 19 when Ian was 30. And? So what?

Unless a 50 year old guy is courting a 25 year old woman and vice versa, I am cool with it. A lot of women have been known to be attracted to older men. It’s usually because the girl is mature, and she is emotionally the same age as the guy. At least it has always been the case for me. 10-11 seems OK to me as an upper limit, but it is not like if you get along with someone who’s 13 years older/younger than you, you will say no because it is against the rules. After 20, it is just...well...who cares?

Then of course there is the hypothetical situation when a guy as cute and fun as Gerard Butler asked me out (I know - I wish). Gerard is 15 years older than me. Guess what? I wouldn’t say no because he is at that age.

So for a perfectly good show, people are too concerned that he is just too old to be her husband. They make it sound like she is in high school and he is in a retirement home.

People do amaze me sometimes. Yes, I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Yes, we are all different and all that. But surely when discussing a show, a show’s plot/characters/acting/direction/premise/episodes.... is a much bigger deal than if the actor and actress’ age difference.

Audiences are hard to please. When people are average-looking, people complain that there is no eye candy. When people are good-looking, they call it unrealistic. I’m guessing that if Jason Isaacs’ character was the same age as the wife, people would think the son was too young or something.

Well, if you have seen the show and/or by looking at the pictures, let me know: 

1)Is Jason’s character too old to be Laura’s character’s husband?

2)Do they really look bad together?

3)What do you think about the age difference between Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder?