Thursday, July 28, 2011

How do you take your relationship: Open or Closed?

* Yes, I know that there isn't technically a term called "closed relationship". But else (short) thing can we call  a good, old, regular relatioship?


I once heard in an interview that Gene Simmons (lead singer of rock band KISS) was in an open marriage with his wife. Well, I am sure that was a necessity. No, I am not being sarcastic. With all the groupies and the fans, it is only fair that he was honest about stuff and that she had as chance to be with other people as well. It doesn’t sound very romantic but hey, it certainly beats the situation of finding out you have been lied to for a decade or something.

Where did this suddenly come up? I was watching House’s 18th episode in season 6 and it turned out the female patient was having an open marriage. I was like Whoa! I mean, the concept of an open relationship is tricky enough. But having an open marriage? And for an ordinary, non-celebrity couple? But hey, these things happen in real life too so I thought I would come here and discuss the subject with you.

I am all for romance and monogamy and loyalty. And I can’t stand cheating or being cheated on in any relationship. In fact, I am as harsh about it as it gets. It doesn’t matter whether you have been together for ages or that you have kids. If a partner cheats, he/she has to go. So yes, I believe all cheaters need to get a kick in the ass. The alternative to cheating? Talk to the person you are with! Tell them you have feelings for someone else. It might be harsh and upsetting but it sure beats getting stabbed in the back. 

What if that person doesn’t want you to leave? What if he/she wants you to stay even though you might stray? That’s their choice. If both parties are open and honest about it and monogamy is something they can overlook, hey, it is their choice. But at least the partner got a say in the matter.

So if you asked me who I would respect more- a person in an open relationship or a person who cheats, I’d say open relationship. I don’t have to approve it but I appreciate the honesty. Would I wanna be in one? I don’t think so. But would I rather be with a guy who confronted me about his issues about monogamy than a hypocrite? Yeah, absolutely.

What do you think? Would you like to be in an open relationship?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Why Is Everyone (Getting) Married?

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    I am not against mariage, let's start with that. It is a lovely concept;  if you have found someone you are sure you would like to spend your lifetime with- someone who you are madly in love with and the person feels the same about you. Someone you can joke around with, be yourself with and someone you love because they are who they are; not despite  who they are.

But I find it really hard to believe that so many people found that person in their early/mid 20s. And that the majority of the married couples in late 20s/early 30s are considering making babies. Whoa! Will everyone slow down for a minute? When did all this happen? I am in my mid 20s and definitely not opposed to romance and passion and some casual flirtation thrown in for good measure... But marriage??? Children??? In-laws??? Calling your partner's parents "Mom" and "Dad"??

I am in the process of finding out a  plan to make my dreams come true, to gain true financial independence  and to just go crazy and all that. I am not saying I don't want to find someone. But right now, I don't want to go into that forever business. Even if  this amazing person comes along and happens to be as nuts as I am and have similar dreams and such, we wouldn't get married. Not now!!! I mean come on!!!!

And it is alright if he doesn't appear in these chapters in my life. Oh of course I complain about being single. But what I am really whining about is that I don't have enough fun with the opposite sex. I don't have numbers to call when I want to party all night and dance until dawn. I don't get to meet hot strangers a lot. There lies my concern.

I think that being in a serious relationship is a big deal! Moving in right away is totally unnecessary and very scary. So how come are people so eager to jump into marriage?

It starts about during the last year(s) of university. Friends/friends of friends start to get married. But the number isn't that large. Then you graduate and invitations start piling up. People barely out of college talk weddings and budgets and all that. You take a job and your boss who is not even 10 years older than you, is married and is considering having a baby. Oh and by boss, I mean a guy who co-runs a music site and deals with studios and bars and all that. I meet long- haired, metal-loving guys who look like they came straight out of a 90s Metallica concert and see rings on their fingers.

When did everyone get married? Ok, so maybe- it is not that big of a stretch for 35 year-olds being married but people in their 20s? What's up with that? The wedding dresses, furniture hunting? Surely not all of these people found their soulmate?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am sure there are a lot of actual feelings and "eternal bliss" involved. But I also believe that the overworking biological clocks and the seeming convenience of marriage have increased the numbers.

People should acknowledge the fact that not everyone has to be married and/or have a baby. It sucks if people are doing it because they think it is time or because they get to have regular sex. It sucks if they are doing it because they parents would rather have them tie the knot than have them live together...

I am a romantic of the worst kind. But I also am addicted to excitement and adventure and discovery. I am thinking there will be guys in my life who get me. Until that happens, I will enjoy the ride of singledom. And I sure as hell won't get married because it is just so "in", or rent is cheaper or all my friends are doing it!!!