Thursday, November 29, 2012

A Unique Way of Dealing with Romantic Rejection

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Have you ever been rejected by someone you liked? If your answer is no, then you have either been really lucky, or you have dated below your league (and no, “your league” doesn’t just consist of looks.)

I’ve been rejected a couple of times. The first one was totally on me, since I saw it just a challenge to ask out a boy who I didn’t really know, and I did it during my ugly duckling phase.

Rejection can come in different forms. Sometimes it can be a surprised series of babbling to avoid a straight no answer and sometimes it can be the “but we’re friends!”route. Sometimes it’s all mixed signals, until you realize he’s just never been that into you and was just biding his time. But it happens.

So directly, I have been rejected twice. Indirectly, counting the mixed signals, and even my own backing down deciding that he really isn’t just that into me (and trust me, I was right pretty much every time), well…there has been a few.

It might suck, but the only explanation is that shit happens. Because guess what? I have rejected a lot of people. Not out of arrogance or anything, but we were either great friends or had nothing in common. But mostly because there was no attraction on my part or no meeting of the minds. We were just horrible fits.

Not everyone you fancy is going to like you back. Some people will like you a lot less or a lot more than you like them.

I have a couple of friends who have never been rejected: Either because they never put themselves out there, or they always dated people who they should have never dated.

So how do you deal with rejection?

     There’re many routes (they’re usually used together in varied orders.)

  •  Bitch to your friends.
  •  Eat lots of junk food, watch/listen to romantic stuff.
  •  Distance yourself from anything remotely romantic. 
  •   Get drunk.
  •   Flirt like hell with people who you find attractive, but couldn’t care less if nothing would happen (and coincidentally, something almost always happens.) Good for ego boost.
  • Shop.
  • Get a make-over.
  • Hit the gym/dance floor- whatever fitness activity takes your fancy.,
  • Get under somebody else.

But the truth is none of them help much at the end of the day. Because while your ego recovers, your pessimism/cynicism doesn’t.

Why can’t you just get lucky and find the person that you’re looking for-who also has been looking for you at a time when you are both ready and single?

A More Fun and Effective Way of Dealing with Rejection
      Well, the universe does work in mysterious ways so if you don’t want to stay depressed and/or settle (both options I personally hate), try listening to & reading rejections of others- and not just your friends’. People who got/get rejected in any area of life, and yet they’ve also had tons of success.   

     * Start with writers. Seriously. I’m a writer, and I put my work out there and I get rejected. I also get accepted, but I do get rejected. A lot. So I surround myself with stories of successful writers who have been rejected many times. 

      Some have gone on to become serial best-sellers. Some are highly accomplished non-fiction writers who still don’t always land the assignment. When you look at the numbers, my romantic rejections seem….very trivial. Let’s go over some rejected writers, just to give you an idea:

  • John Grisham
  • J.K. Rowling
  • Stephen King
  • George Orwell
  • Jack Kerouac 
  • Beatrix Potter 

No matter how talented (great/good-looking/nice) you are, you’ll get rejected. The person at the receiving end doesn’t perceive you as a good match. So you look for other who might be. We’re eliminating the extremely lucky ones who get a very good publishing deal very soon, just like we are eliminating the high school sweethearts who go on to marry, never fall out of love and don’t end up divorced. 

* Move on to actors. Many of the great roles that are associated with them didn’t come to them as a first choice, or they almost didn’t do it. 

Imagine Die Hard without Willis. I can’t, but apparently Arnold or Sly could have gotten it.
Now imagine Ghost without Patrick Swayze. Bruce Willis passed. So glad he did.

Mel Gibson almost didn’t play William Wallace in Braveheart, and he’d just have been director/producer-2 difficult jobs he nailed- but without him, the movie wouldn’t have been the same. 

* Dorothea Hurley almost didn’t marry Jon Bon Jovi. Now, I don’t know a lot of girls rejecting the guy-and you could have said she played hard to get, but she was already dating him from high school. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to be with him in the long run, him being a rocker and on the road and all.

Do you see where I am getting with this? In a world where pretty much everyone gets rejected or one reason or the other, there is no point in making it about you. One person will think you’re not good-looking (there are people calling Channing Tatum average/off-putting etc.), and one person will think you’re gorgeous (he was chosen the sexiest man alive by the People magazine.) And yeah, I’m choosing extreme examples on purpose. One person will think you are annoying, the other won’t be able to get enough of you. 

You’ll reject and get rejected and not just in dating. But when the right thing/person/project comes, you’ll be very happy and decide it was all worth it. So remember it is not you, it is not them. It’s just about abstract stuff like perception, taste, possibility and timing. 

If you still want to go get drunk, I can’t stop you. Just try not to make things worse by any drunk-dialing or ending up in jail.

P.S. In case you want to go the tradition route (of dealing with rejection) and get immersed in movies and songs, I’ll be helping you with suggestions in future posts.