Saturday, July 16, 2016

Cynicism Explained Through the Reactions to A Lovely Bryan Adams Song: Why Do You Have to Be So Hard to Love

(Don't mind the foreign text. The song is the original version.)

I’m a romantic. Always have been. I mean let’s look at some of the evidence:

  •             As a reader, I love reading exciting romances, no matter which genre the romance is incorporated into. But yes, I also love reading romantic comedies. And watching them, obviously.
  •            For crying out loud, my favorite band is Bon Jovi. My favorite movie is Braveheart. My third favorite movie? The Crow. Also in the top ten? Pride and Prejudice.
  •          I love Bryan Adams.
  •            As a screenwriter, my specialty is romance, comedy and drama combinations.

But, and this is a big but, I’m not the romantic I used to be in middle school or high school. I had some real life “romantic” experiences, and I got a little cynical.

Image via

I didn’t have huge heatbreaks. My relationship attempts never got to that point. And maybe that is the problem. I have had major bad surprises and some stellar disappointments. Add to my experiences, the experiences of my friends and well...the cynicism level only rises.

And while at my core, I will always be a romantic, I am also a cynic. Come on. Who reaches their 30s with their romantic genes completely untouched in the 21st century?

Let me talk about the moment I knew I was a cynic.

I have pretty much all of Bryan Adams’ albums. I have seen him live twice, and if I get the chance, I won’t mind seeing him at least ten more. Not only does he have one of my favorite voices, he is also great with his audience. He is humble, funny and is a damn good rocker.

And one of my favorite Bryan Adams songs is Why Do You Have to Be So Hard to Love from the Room Service album.

When I first heard the song, I loved it. It was so lovely and sweet. And as you can imagine, the story is of a man falling for a woman who is hard to love. She is not open. She’s distant. And here is this sweet guy suffering from her behavior.

Could I be any more naive? Or more under Adams’ spell? (In my defense, I’d marry the guy today to hear him sing more. He is an awesome singer.)

But then I grew up. And while I was listening to the song, this was my reaction:

“Shut up, you whiner! Do you even know what she had to put up with before she met you? Yeah, chances are this is all her, but either way, do you love her in spite of this? Then, my congratulations, you deserve a shot. But if you are drawn to her because of this, then you deserve all the suffering she sends through your way, idiot!"

Yep. My reaction to a potentially purely fictional situation.

Don’t worry. My reaction to Everything I Do, I Do It For You hasn’t changed. And don’t mind me, Why Do You Have to be So Hard to Love is fantastic whether you are in a romantic mood, can relate to the guy’s situation, or just need to calm a headache.

But when a guy sings to/of/about a woman being distant, untrusting or cynical, it is hard for me not to question his motives. Show some empathy, dude. Take things slow. She doesn’t have to get all cuddly from the first date. She doesn't know if you are really that good, or you are just pretending until you can take her for granted. All you can do is stick around and prove you are worth her time. 

In the mean time, keep in my mind that we know Pride and Prejudice is just a novel, and neither Matthew Mcfadyen or Colin Firth are Mr. Darcy. 


  1. Very nice piece, Pinar. There's no shame in being a die-hard romantic. I'm a cynic but scratch me and there's a romantic heart underneath, you know what I mean? :-)

    1. Thanks for commenting, Yvette. I am still a romantic, but guys should give us a break when we don't just take their word for stuff. ;)